Day 28 – Tokyo to London

I refrained my usual last-day tradition of giving away all my old clothes to the poor street kids, as there are no poor street kids and the idea of any kid wanting to accept a five-year-old Sisters Of Mercy t-shirt is just absurd.

So that's it for another trip, Japan is fantastic, I would urge you to go or at the very least write to your local member of parliament and ask him why everything is so shit where you live. If you do go, make sure you fill your suitcase with melons which at over £100 a go will certainly have you staying in the more luxurious hotels.

My final train ride to the airport was eventful to say the least. Just after leaving central station an 8.9 magnitude earthquake hit Tokyo. Amidst the chaos and confusion, the train track buckled throwing our carriage off the raised lines, through the air, and into the side of a building that was engulfed in flames. As I struggled to free myself and Ciara from the wreckage the flames and smoke began to overwhelmed me, in the next instant a thirty-metre tsunami hit the city and swept our battered carriage into Tokyo harbour and into the grip of a whirlpool. As I slowly sank into the abyss an enormous explosion of water heralded the arrival of Godzilla who snatched me from my seat and swallowed me and my laptop, hence the delay in this last post.

Did it?

No. It was pleasant, left on time and I had a nice cup of tea.

Sayonara.

Day 27 – Tokyo

I start the day with a trip to Akihabara, which is the place to be in Tokyo if you are after computers, games-consoles, phones or any other small electrical device, such as a detonator, however, I am not suggesting for one moment that the three shady-looking muslims blokes in the shop at the same time as me were after anything other than a soda-stream.

Akihabara is also home to Japanese pop phenomenon, girl-band AKB48. Forget the vomit-inducing clones that X-Factor force feed a catatonic audience every week, the Japanese (as usual) have taken it to whole new level, in the form of AKB48 who, at the last count, had 56 girls in the band – just imagine the bill for toilet roll on that tour! 

The manager – who may or may not be called Fagin – has the band (only around 12 of them at any one time) performing several times a day in their very own sweatshop – sorry theatre, to the obvious delight of the huge crowds that are always queueing outside the auditorium. 

The scary thing is that there is already a rival band (of 60-odd girls) ready to be unleashed.

The really frightening thing is that their is also a boy band on the way.

And the truly terrifying thing is that one day it will happen in London.

In the evening I inadvertently find myself in Tokyo's red-light district – I only had to take two trains, a bus and several wrong turns to inadvertently get there. Whilst admiring the faux-Englsih names of the various ladies of the night (Rabbit Bar, Bar Honey being amongst the more obvious), my attention was drawn to a sign featuring the obligatory scantily-clad Asian girl lounging over the lettering of the quite superbly named Bar Keith. Perhaps Keith was from Thailand.

Day 26 – Kyoto to Tokyo

My hotel in Kyoto seems to have been invaded by middle-aged English Daily Mail readers, consequently all talk over breakfast is of the sushi muck on offer and the lack of toast.

My Japan Rail Pass expires today so it's a train ride back to Toyko to start the day. After checking into my hotel I visit the Ghibli Animation Museum which sounds a lot easier than it actually was. Tickets are not available where you would expect, i.e. at the museum door, but have to be purchased in advance from a machine, which can be found in specific shops, the machine only displays Japanese characters so just getting them is a mission that John Rambo would be loathe to take on. Having found the shop, the machine, navigated a dozen Japanese screens you are then given an option of only four time slots a day to visit – miss your time slot and you are not allowed in. To get to the Museum from central Tokyo requires two trains and a bus journey.

The museum itself is great, provided you have any interest in Japanese animation, if not I would avoid the two hours you'll spend in the place and the six hours it takes to get the tickets and find it.