Day 22 – Vancouver to Hong Kong

We spend our last morning in Western civilisation looking at the super cool area of Gastown with all it's bars/restaurants/shops and a splendid centre-piece clock powered by steam, I would have thought that Steamtown would have been more appropriate but apparently the town got it's name from some chancer who used to frequent the town telling lies and tall stories  of epic proportions. So that's all right then.

We left Vancouver for the airport and our 13 hour flight to Hong Kong as you can imagine the rest of the day was a bit of a blur:

14.00  Arrive at airport.

14.10  Customs and immigration passed in record time.

14.11  Have a few drinks to steel our nerves.

15.11  Have a few more drinks to steel our nerves.

16.00  Oasis flight 818 takes off.

16.01  Yes, we are aboard.

16.02  'Oh, christ look at this selection of films' – one with that gobshite Renee Zellweger as Beatrix Potter (avoid at all costs), one with Nicolas Cage playing a man who can see 2 minutes into the future (avoid all Nicolas Cage films) and six in Chinese. I was saved by The Jungle Book which I watched twice.

18.00  Dinner served – noodles.

20.00  Bored.

22.00  Very bored.

00.00  Very, very bored.

02.00  I wonder what will happen if I open the door?.

03.30  Breakfast served – stodgy lasagne (delicious at 4am).

05.00  Arrive Hong Kong airport and re-set watch, it's now only...

23.00  Get bus into town.

23.45  Too tired to care, we book into the worst hotel room in Hong Kong (except the one we had just refused). There is not enough space for both of us to stand at the same time and it has no windows but the enormous ventilation pipe running through it at least gives us something to look at. It would fail most requirements under the Geneva convention for keeping prisoners and most EU treaties regarding the inhumane treatment of animals but at least it has a toilet, which blocks after the first use.

23.46  Look for a bar.

23.47  Have a few drinks to steel our nerves.

00.47  Have a few more drinks to steel our nerves.

03.00  Sleep.

08.00  Wake up, scream (we have to turn on the light first of course), leave hotel.

Day 21 – Portland to Vancouver

We boarded the Dirtydog and as the bus pulled out of the station I honestly thought that it really wasn't that bad, thirty seconds later a guard came running alongside the bus screaming for it to stop as another family had to get on – what a difference thirty seconds makes.

This family can best be described as close relations of the lost cannibal tribe from The Hills Have Eyes – but without the charm. Momma got on first with lenses on her glasses so thick she could see sideways cackling like a drunken hyena, followed by her youngest whose teeth could be used as a coat-hanger, next along the aisle in this catwalk of in-breeding came the elder son who (I swear) hobbled onto the bus gurning like he had swallowed a terrapin, bringing up the rear was uncle Joe who in true horror-film-cliche fashion not only looked normal but was reasonably good-looking. We were not getting off this bus alive that much was clear. 

Momma and young Frankenstein not only sat right behind us (of course) they also asked another bloke to move so he had to sit in front of me – it was then I discovered he smelt like a three week old burrito. The first thing he said to the stranger next to him was 'Did you know there is an organisation that control everything?' I could see his heart sink.

Elder Frankenstein spent the whole journey asking pertinent questions;

"Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, did the Seahawks beat the Raiders?'

"Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, are you a dingleberry?'

Young Frankenstein spent the journey eating hash browns which he didn't have to take out of the wrapper.

I know it's not big or clever to laugh at stupid people, but by christ it is enjoyable.

Day 20 – Portland

Our holiday from our holiday in Portland has flown by and we spent our last day mailing stuff home and picking up stuff we need for China, my mate Henry also got paid a special visit but the Coconut Stout fails to reach the dizzying heights of our previous meeting.

In the evening Paul & Ber throw a party in our honour (nothing to do with their having just moved house or it being Christmas) where we get to meet a few of the locals and discuss our travel plans. The over riding concern seems to be our impending 9-hour bus journey by Greyhound back to Vancouver and how by chancing our lives on the 'Dirtydog' we may well never make it Hong Kong.

Paul/ Ber/Rose/Ronan cheers for looking after us and a great week.