Day 26 – Shanghai

I arrived in Shanghai around midday with some trepidation, the only words of Chinese I know had been learned in the early 80s watching The Benny Hill Show and unfortunately they only ran to 'You brudy iriot!'.

We found a great hotel to stay at, much classier than the last place, hotel rules include:

• No excessive drinking

• No fireworks in the room

• Dry nothing on lamps

• Do not follow strangers to fun places

Heeding all the above we set out to see the sights of Shanghai. It is a very strange place, half the buildings are grand colonial and the other half are monolithic blocks of concrete and glass but most of the inhabitants don't seem that interested in either. I read that an information campaign is being waged in readiness for the Olympics this year which encourages people to stop spitting in the street or being rude – it doesn't seem to have got through here. Perhaps it's because I keep shouting 'You brudy iriot' at people. 

To get to modern Shanghai you must cross a river via an underground tunnel inside a single train-like carriage – now it's not often that I am stuck for words but this time I am struggling, the carriage enters the tunnel in pitch darkness (just like any tunnel in the world) but then a Vincent Price style voice-over booms such lines as "Paradise and Hell...', 'Meteor Storm...' the tunnel is then illuminated in differing coloured lights, lazers and ambient sounds, did I mention the blow up dolls or projected jellyfish? I have no idea what any of it was about.

We visited The Oriental Pearl Tower which is trumpeted as being the 3rd largest tower in the world (whatever that means) and after negotiating the most incredibly complex ticketing system in the world (tickets can include 3 viewing platforms, a museum, a theatre and a roller coaster ride and every variation of the above) – we went crazy and got the most expensive £7 tickets to make things easy. I have no idea why there are 3 viewing platforms, in fact, I have no idea why there are any tall buildings at all, as due to the smog it is near on impossible to see further than about 2km. Bizarrely whilst at the highest viewing platform a Chinese girl approached me with her camera and motioned towards her dad wanting me to take a shot of them, but as I went to take the camera she shook her head and pointed, she wanted me in the photo next to her dad. I have no idea what any of it was about either.

China is strange.