Day 43 – Macau

Having been rudely awakened by our toilet smelling of three week old beef in oyster sauce I was forced to get the old crone down the hall to administer some bleach. She ignored me, In part, because my grasp of Chinese does not stretch to 'Excuse me but is there any chance that you, as a cleaner, can do some some fucking cleaning in my room?' and in part because she clearly did not give a toss.

Instead we visited the Macau Museum in the morning and a superb exhibition on DaVinci in the afternoon, where we stayed until the night porter threatened to call the police unless we left or at least got him some new batteries for his torch.

Having spent a couple of days in Macau it seems that there are two great passions over here; the first is biscuits. Every shop seems to sell biscuits and you can't move down the main street for being handed freebies. I should have been collecting them since I arrived – I would have had enough to take on McVities. 

The second is gambling, with Macau being touted as the Las Vegas of the East, I recently read that gambling tables earn more than ten times of those in Las Vegas, I have to admit to being very sceptical about this fact, indeed if this fact were in book form I think it would be found along with titles such as; Outstanding Ethiopian Cookery, Great Footballer Haircuts of the 80s and The Big Book of Australian Culture. 

The huge casino we visited tonight (in the hope of looking like big-time rollers and consequently getting drowned in free booze) looked so gaudy that the croupiers were wearing sunglasses due to the amount of fake gold on show. As for the free drink, we got two bottles of water – not even sparkling! I hung around for the cabaret to come onstage but to say the dancers were a bit rough would be an insult to sandpaper, the girls looked like they had been head-hunted from a working mans club in Rotherham and fed cream buns before being squeezed into g-strings that disappeared far too promptly into their amble nether regions. I could only bear to watch for six and a half hours.